My thoughts exactly
by AllTheWrongLoves
Summary: Sullys' mind is a mystery-but its easy to tell that his fatherly feelings towards Nate are anything but a mystery.


**Meeh. Random drabbles from the games and moments naughty dog left hanging in the air. IN SULLYS' POV! neeeh! I keep telling myself I need to study, but I just won't XD I don't own any of naughty dogs characters.**

**1; Shorty**

I gnawed on the end of my cigar as Elena and I waited in the library while Nate did god knows what at the church. I hated the thought of him being alone when Romans' men were running amuck. Goddamnit… I paced back and forth, Elena watching me. Spunky girl; well you had to be to keep up with Nate. She was a short thing though. But she made up for it in her attitude. I honestly thought of her as just another reporter girl getting caught up in something she shouldn't, just to get her shining moment on TV. That had been mainly why I decided to ditch her on the dock, Hoo, I have never been more wrong. The shorty could take care of herself that was for sure. She had save Nates' ass plenty of times on this little trip to this place.

"Um, Sully…?" I stopped in the middle of the room to look at Elena sitting in a dusty old chair. It had been what? Twenty minutes and neither of had spoken a word.

"Yeah?" she bit her lip and adjusted that messy bun of hers. I felt awkward for some reason. The kind of awkward I had felt around Nate for…psh, months! That damn awkward that says a lot more than words. The one Nate used multiple times to read me. Damn kid. That awkward that means it'll turn easy soon. Which means the shorty's sticking around.

"I hope it's not too personal, but how did you and Nate meet? You seem awfully close." I chuckled and set my hands on my hips as I skimmed through multiple ways to tell the story that never failed to amuse me. I sighed and pulled my cigar out of my mouth. Where to start…I gave up and shrugged, deciding to just give her the point.

"Aw I met 'im when he was a kid." She gave me a look of confusion, like that didn't seem right. She didn't even know what happened. It was hard to believe it had already been nearly twenty years since I ran into the snarky squirt. The kid I had caught swiping my wallet was long gone. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact he was a grown man now. A grown man that could handle a gun with ease. To risk sounding cliché, it seemed just like yesterday he was following me around like a lost puppy that bolted every time you turned your head to see if they were still there. He wasn't that kid that constantly sketched and doodled when a client got into a rant, he wasn't that kid that feel asleep with his face in a book nearly every night, he wasn't that kid that ate a donut at least twice a day, he just wasn't that kid anymore. But he was still Nate.

"Wow, I wasn't expecting that." I chuckled. You're not the only one shorty…you're not the only one.

"If you think that's strange, I should tell you about a job I had once when I was in my thirties. Damn it was a mess…"

**2; something avoided.**

"Alright, c'mon. One step at a time." I cautiously led Elena out of the little hut, trying my best to make sure she didn't fall without touching her. So far every time I tried to at least hold her hand she had slapped me away! I really tried my hardest to keep her in bed, but she was a stubborn one, insisting she felt fine and what-not. Her stitches just healed too, Goddamnit. When she was finally down the stairs, I held out my arm for her as we headed over to Nate. I winked at her and she rolled her eyes. Kinda funny how well I get along with her.

"Well look who's not supposed to be outta bed." Nate teased. I smirked and pulled my cigar out of my mouth with my free hand.

"She's a lousy patient. Stubborn as all hell." That was an understatement. I have never met a woman that wanted to get out of bed faster.

"I'm not stubborn, I'm just restless!" She quipped back and shoved my arm away. Nate chuckled and held his arm out for her instead.

"So, no giant sapphire." To be honest I didn't care. Nate was alive and so was Elena. There were always close calls with Nate, but from what Elena told me it was borderline frightening. That ass clown Flynn can go prance around in hell for all I care. Cocky idiot. And those purple freaks Nate told me about. Yeesh, I'm kinda glad I didn't take the trip.

"Again, No. I'm afraid it's just a myth." I smirked.

"A myth isn't gonna pay your bills kid." I couldn't resist poking fun at him. He pulled Elena a little closer. Just that little move made me realize she was so much more to him than he'd care to admit. She was good for him. It would take him a while to figure it out, but oh when he does it'll slap him straight in the face. Love is something I always tried to avoid. Hell, the only genuine kind I ever felt was…well toward Nate-But ahh, that didn't mean I didn't know when real love was in front of me. I didn't avoid that much.

"Somethin' will come along. You just gotta have faith!" he placed that small smile on his face that was much stronger than a grin. The little smile meant that it wasn't just for the money.

"That and a quarter will get you twenty five cents." I muttered. "Ahh, which way did Chloe go?" he pointed over where children were happily following her. I slowly walked off. "See ya." I could hear Elena say oh dear. Ey, I was just gonna talk to her! I swear.

"You're a dirty old man Sullivan." I rolled my eyes. You've been saying that for years kid.

"Uh-huh."

**3; so much to say**

It was just a small ceremony at the court house. But nonetheless Nate was more skittish than a neutered Chihuahua. The kid was wringing his hands to the point I was worried he would find a way to tangle his fingers. We weren't even out of the bathroom yet! I watched as he tried to adjust his tie with shaking hands, his eyes flicking around as if everything was closing in on him. If he was looking like this with a simple ceremony, I wouldn't want to see him at the whole shebang.

"Kid, you're gonna tangle your fingers in that thing. C'mere." He turned toward me. I pulled his hands away from the mess known as his tie and began to do the process that I had learned for many occasions. To be honest he wasn't the only one feeling like they could break out in a cold sweat. I never thought I'd see the day when Nate would actually get married. He wasn't one to buckle down. I learned that first hand. I could never get him to stay still for more than an hour unless he had his sketch book. I usually gave up and let him run around while I talked to our clients. But there had been plenty of times when he would surprise me. Right now though, it was a different case.

"Nate-the kid that jumped into my life without any warning- was getting married. And I was the witness. Part of me just didn't want to accept that he was a grown man now…that it seriously was time to let go of him. He was off to the world of marriage. I knew from the start Elena would stick around.

"Sully? I…I don't think I can do this." I chuckled and finished looping his tie to set my hand on his shoulder. I looked right into those blue eyes of his, the ones I watched fade from paranoid and questioning, to smiling and careless. The blue eyes that had been filled with fear twenty years ago in Cartagena, the eyes that became something I never wanted to see empty and vacant.

"I mean what if this isn't right? I just…just." I wanted to say so much at that moment as Nate was lost for words. I wanted to tell him about how this was a good thing, that he should take this opportunity to be happy. I had made a lot of mistakes in my life. Some of them worse than others. But I will never regret taking Nate off the streets. He deserved at least part of a normal life. I may or may not have given him some regular childhood moments. I never dared to ask. I wasn't father material. I thought that was one thing I could forever be sure about. But when he came along, all beliefs I had about sucking at parenting didn't matter. He may not have told me specifically what happened to his parents, but I could tell whatever it was it cut deep.

I wasn't one to push something that didn't really concern me, but I knew Elena was something that should be in his life; a girl that stood her ground but knew when he needed comfort or a good tongue lashing, someone that knew Nate was a little work, but worth it. God, so much I wanted to say. It wasn't a surprise though when I finally squeezed his shoulder, still looking in his eyes as I said the only thing that I could out of my damn mouth.

"Nate. You can do it." They were words that I had said plenty of times-words that he could trust. He may be a grown man, he may be starting his own life, but to me he would always be that snarky, shy kid that put a bigger imprint on my life than any bullet wound could. I may never say it, but I love the kid.

"Now c'mon. Let's get to the lovely bride." His shoulder relaxed under my hold as I led him out of the bathroom toward the small chapel, the kid looking ready for what lie ahead. I couldn't stop myself when I snuck my arm around his neck to give him a good noogie, smiling instantly when he responded the way he did when he was a kid.

"Argh! Sully!"

**4; so not **

"Kid I don't think-"I started as Nate dragged me toward the room Elena was in.

"Don't you start! You'll be amazed how quickly your mind will change!" I sighed and carefully pulled my wrist of his hold. I ran a hand through my grey hair as Nate and I stood in the middle of the hospital hall, buzzing with regular hospital activity and our voices echoing.

"Look, Nate; I'm really flattered you want me in the squirts life but I'm not…I'm not grandpa material." My words didn't break Nates' enthusiasm one bit, him jumping on the heel of his foot like he was fifteen again. Had he even slept? His hair was a mess and he was still wearing the clothes he had the night I saw him before Elena called. The bags under his glinting eyes making me think no, he didn't sleep. I'm surprised he didn't pass out the very moment the squirt was born. I didn't sleep either; hearing Elenas' screams wasn't the best way to go to dream land. Nate had stormed into the cafeteria and snatched my hand with lightning speed before I even asked what was goin on. I sighed again when Nate grabbed my arm and pulled me the rest of the way to Elenas' room.

"Nate, I'm telling you I'm not-"Nate shushed me as he carefully pushed the door open and led me inside the still dark room, Elena cradling a blue bundle in her arms. I felt awkward all of a sudden. Like I really shouldn't be there but knew Nate wasn't going to let me go just yet. Elena looked up and grinned with an equal amount of sleepiness. I smiled back, not too sure what to do. Nate kissed her forehead before he gently took the little bundle out of her arms and walked toward me. Damn. My heart started to speed up as Nate walked closer. I had never held a baby. I had never even considered holding one. Being a grandpa to one was even more out of my comfort zone! I held up my hands when Nate was close enough for me to see a little hand peeking out of the blanket. I don't why I felt to uncertain; it was the same feeling I had the first night Nate spent with me, the helplessness of not knowing what to do to make the situation better.

"Ahh…" Nate smiled at me and carefully held the bundle out to me. I caved from the tired twinkle in his eyes and hesitantly wrapped my arms around the soft blanket that held their baby. Fragile, easily injured baby. God, what if I dropped the bugger! I'd never forgive myself. Nate grabbed one of my hands to support under the squirts head while the other wrapped around its' little body. Nate pulled back a fold of the blanket to show a pink, sleeping face. Everything about it was small. Its little hands jerking around a little, that tiny little mouth widened to yawn. My heart gave a little shudder at the peaceful, round face. Warmth that I had only felt a couple times slowly started to swell in my chest. I could feel a smile start to stretch across my face. I moved my hand just a little to brush a finger on its' soft skin, its' little hand gripping onto my finger. I gave Nate a brief grin. What really caught me off guard was when I looked back down to meet big, familiar, sleepy blue eyes. Holy hell…talk about snatching someone's' heart.

That warmth that had been creeping in gushed so quickly my head got dizzy, my grin getting even larger when the tiniest, almost unnoticeable smile appeared on its face for a second.

"Hi there." I cooed. Me cooing. That was something I had never done. "So, Boy or girl?" I asked, the squirts' eyes slipping back shut into sleep.

"Boy." Nate replied and stood close to me to stroke the baby's' head.

"Name?" Nate smiled at me so happily.

"Conner Sullivan Drake." My heart did another jump. I opened and closed my mouth several times. I just…I just felt so…Jesus I didn't know! Nate just kept smiling like he won the lottery. This was so much more than playing grandpa.

"Sully. You have no idea, how big of a change you put on my life. If it hadn't been for you I don't know where I would be. I love you, Sully." I was speechless. Gob smacked, really. I would have stood there in shock forever if Nate hadn't snuck me into a tight side hug, pulling more heart strings than I had ever. I felt like I was choking on the lump in my throat. I felt like clutching him, Elena and Conner to me. Because I made a realization that shook my entire world. They were my family. Something I had never planned or thought of having. But now, I wouldn't' trade it for anything.

"Damnitt Kid." I uttered and set my head against his, my arms still supporting the baby. "I love ya too." We stayed like that until a nurse took Conner from my arms. But he came right back. Turned out I loved playing grandpa.

**Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeh! O3O I lied! The last two were soooo cute! Bwahaha! So much for post games! I tried to stay in the area of the games but I epically failed X3 I follow the trail of cuteness and I can never resist! Meeh, I'm sorry!**


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